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Blogger Idol Week 2

It was maybe 2 months after the engagement. The giggles and well-wishes had died down and life was back to normal. You’d think that wedding preparations would follow, and we’d live happily ever after. Well, it seems that life had other plans.

The proverbial cold feet crept up on me like a morning shower, first a slight drizzle that you had to squint to make out, then a torrential pour. Those weeks were spent worrying about what I’d be missing out after marriage. There were so many things I had put off doing, and the idea that I’d never be able to do them terrified me. I suppose I had assumed till then that there’ll always be a tomorrow. To me, settling down would rob me of all my tomorrows. As we made more wedding plans, I saw my dreams melting away.

Was I overreacting? Probably, but not without cause. You see, my parents have always been strict with me. I grew up with curfews that were actually enforced. There were parties that I wasn’t allowed to attend. I had to account for the time spent between school and home. Freedom was something that I had to fight for, something that I craved, and something that so many tears were shed over. And finally, I got it, at age 25.

So, the prospect of being accountable to someone else just a few years later came too soon.

Fortunately, I wasn't in this alone. After much probing from my fiance, I finally revealed what was bothering me. He understood and reassured me repeatedly (and with much patience) that I could still realise the unfulfilled, and that he would be supportive of whatever I wanted to do. It dawned on me then that it is within the security of this relationship that I have all the freedom that I have ever sought and wanted. Now I look back and laugh at myself for being so silly, then look forward to my dreams.